Existential dilemmas on Easter Sunday

•April 9, 2012 • Leave a Comment

From my solitary vantage point at the bottom of a cold, oddly-lit basement on a hazy Sunday afternoon the world seems twisted and incomprehensible. These are strange times, indeed.

Think about this — We start off as a single cell, grow and mature at a rapid pace, decomposing and rebuilding in a never-ending cycle of frantic and desperate regeneration. We allow our thinking selves to be molded into perfectly operating social machines who abide by the rules and customs and traditions of imperfect societies crafted by imperfect human minds. Should we stray from the beaten path in terms of acceptable world views or mental development, we will be shamed and ridiculed and cast out from the herd, placed indefinitely on medical, mind-altering supplements or in low-grade, over-crowded correctional facilities. Should the thinking mind take us anywhere but where they want and expect it to take us, a place of conformity and economic production, we are branded as social failures — mentally insane, atheist tree-hugging communists. Such is the sad state of existence on planet earth. Real human life, expansive spiritual and intellectual growth, is gagged and bound, replaced by the masochistic drone of stalemated political back-and-forth. Then, mercifully and unceremoniously drowned in a sea of pop-culture references and internet memes.  Our planet’s political leaders resemble nothing more than children, squabbling and coming to shaky agreements on a much-larger-than-playground scale.

But then maybe that’s all life on earth really is. We learn the rules, and dutifully play the game. Should we win, we get to play the game on a bigger stage and with more pressure applied. As the stakes grow higher, the inevitable failure only creates mass anticipation, if only underneath the surface. The big players play, and the rest of us watch. The constant potential for hilarious public failure keeps the masses entertained, and their attention mercifully diverted from the things that really matter. I suppose that after centuries of fine tuning, billions upon billions of senseless deaths, war after war after war, global colonization (and the mass genocide that inevitably follows), there must be something to said for the world we live in today, where (almost) everyone can at least enjoy the basic human rights they are entitled to, but I must say, our humanity is clearly nothing more than a work in progress. It saddens me to say that I live in a time of mass poverty, starvation and inequality. I live in a rich country, and am awarded all the luxuries one could ever hope for, while billions across the globe starve as a result of others’ greed. The free-market, corporation driven system that “saved” us from communism has turned around and fucked us worse than we ever could have imagined. Exploitation of our planet, of desperate, poverty stricken people, and of ourselves is simply unacceptable, and it all comes back to that one disgusting and all-consuming vice. Greed is the motivation for all of humanity’s worst decisions. How this nauseatingly hilarious fiasco will play out in the long run can only be guessed at this point, but it sure as fucking hell ain’t going to be pretty, and I sure as hell won’t be around to see it.

And the worst part is, there are no answers.

Will one more revolution do the trick? Will an uprising of idealistic, socially and environmentally conscious masses finally “fix” the planet’s woes? Would the traditional conservative mindset allow such an uprising? How much civilian blood will be spilt in the name of preserving capitalism? Will another civil war ensue on North American soil? Will boundary lines be entirely re-written as the fabric of the capitalist institution is torn to shreds by a mass influx of electronic information? Or will cooler heads prevail, leading to the emergence of an entirely new form of democracy? The only thing of which I am certain, is that there are simply too many wildly varying opinions and ideological values running amok in North America for there to ever be any significant forward process. The majority rules however slight it may be, and the sad mental state of the majority means a sad state of political and current affairs for us. The greatest, most forward thinking and progressive minds of our time go stifled or completely unheard amidst the mass outcry for attention from everyone with an internet connection, while smooth-talking, deep-pocketed narcissistic men fill our chief executive offices and laugh at their good fortune.

We are stuck in an endless, meaningless war of words from two completely different sides of the dickhead spectrum, arguing about stupid and frivolous things like religious rights and abortion, while alternately passing and vetoing bills based on special interest and who’s filling their wallet. It’s a suspended animation of puke-in-your-mouth democracy and shit-your-pants incompetency, and it makes me sick to my stomach.

Bring it Back

•June 20, 2011 • Leave a Comment

That cool dark nightime air fills my room late on a Sunday night. I breathe it in and appreciate every second. Not too cold, but cold enough. Just right.

The smell takes me back to any of the last fifteen years. Memories of long gone eras make up my consciousness, and I do everything in my power just to hold on to the feeling for more than a few fleeting seconds but it’s impossible. The sensation leaves just as soon as it arrives, like a world somehow favourable to this one that is forever perfect and forever out of reach.

Much like the past itself, it is immovable and untouchable. Permanently etched into some sort of history books, however real or imagined, and all we are left with is the hope that some fantastic scent will come along and trick our brains into melding a vague reconstruction that satisfies us enough for the time being.

Because after all, it is the only thing in our lives that is forever constant and unchanging.

The past.

What’s done is done, and there’s nothing we can do about it. In a way it’s almost a comforting thought. That there is something so firm and stable in this world that so often seems on the verge of self destruction. There is something to believe in. The very fact that we were here. No matter what may happen to us or our species, this world will forever bare our mark, for better or for worse.

There is no great wisdom, no all encompassing answer. There is only here and now.

There is only life, and how we choose to deal with it.

Deep Breaths

•June 14, 2011 • Leave a Comment

So much for so little. Life breathes deep and we all hold on. Everything is going to be okay, even when it’s not.

Push will come to shove will come to toss, as every last thing finds itself rearranged. The time illusion rolls on, reminding us to keep our feet moving.

Sun up/Sun down. The uninformed carry on the way they always have and (possibly) always will. Produce to consume, mature to reproduce, work towards retirement and ulimate expiration dates.

Complain about the immovable object. Weather. Taxes. Politics. Religion. The Works. Living for Nothing.

The unescapable. Covering every inch of all I can see and all I care to comprehend. Filling the empty spaces surrounding me and entering my body with every breath.

I leave my body for awhile to really take it all in. Gain a new perspective and a fresh outlook.


I cannot describe what has no distinguishable features of any kind. I cannot shoehorn words into these thoughts and emotions. They possess far too much meaning… on multiple levels of profound and spiritual existence.

I am lost and found all at once.

Here`s to Forever

•June 13, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Here`s to the things we lost along the way.

Those that we gave up in the name of progress, when we were sure we would find something better to replace them with.

Those that we used up, believing the good times would last forever.

Here`s to our youthful idealism, so beautiful in its naivety, now buried somewhere in the landfill of broken promises, bold faced lies and dirty syringes… murdered in its sleep by the commercialized consumer driven empire.

Here`s to the friendships we always said meant everything, but when put to the test they buckled and broke and were proven to mean nothing.

Here`s to optimism, who still shows its youthful face every now and again but is clearly starting to show signs of aging.

Here`s to honesty and integrity, to truth and value, to love and trust.

And here`s to forever, which has never felt so completely out of reach.


•June 13, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Welcome to Planet Earth!

Please be advised that during your stay here you, your personal belongings, friends, family members or all of the above may will be subjected to any or all of the following:

Lying, cheating, truth-twisting, fuckfaces. Two-faced, double-sided, self-serving backstabbers. So-called “followers” of the so-called “faith” that only care about their own personal reputations and will sell you down the river in a fucking heartbeat if it means saving face.

Please note that while yes, encounters with these types are about as pleasant as a Family Guy marathon (you’ll learn about that later), they are but a small piece of a much larger shit-flavoured fuckpie.

We also advise you to be on the lookout for the loudmouthed, ignorant, (wrongly) opinionated, trend following, herd following, top-40-listening masses who can always be counted on to steer you in the (wrong) direction, or provide you with retard, fuckwad opinions that often make no sense and that you don`t give  two shits about.

But again, while these are not the most favourable types on our fine little planet, you can still do worse. While yes, the aforementioned types are ones you should avoid, they are really nothing more than minor annoyances when compared with our next subjects.

I`m speaking now, of course, of the Untouchables. Those in control of 98% of our world`s wealth. Those at the top of all those miraculous skyscrapers. Those who make the laws that the cheaters cheat, control the faith that the faithful follow, and construct the dual sides on which we carefully place our identities.

They decide where the herd is headed, and have little trouble doing so. They know all the ins and all the outs. The ups and the downs. They are unseeable, unthinkable, unsinkable. They are truly untouchable.

But despite all of these minor annoyances our planet really isn`t such a bad place. There actually are some decent ones mixed in there somewhere (look harder). And if you can`t handle all of it you can always find a nice little place of your own, off in the wilderness, where you can be self sufficient and live in solitude and peace. If, of course, you can find some way to escape the (perfectly flawless, we swear!) capitalist systems and mountains of debt you will have no doubt acquired trying to buy a house, car, education (pick one) and can somehow avoid the laws, regulations and red tape set in place specifically to keep you from doing so.

It`s all very simple and not complicated at all!

So yes, enjoy your short, miserable stay here on Planet Earth, and remember our motto:

If you don`t like it, go fuck yourself!

Passing Judgment

•May 23, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Judgment Day has come and gone, and I’m still here. We’re all still here.

For those who put their stock in Harold Camping, who squandered their life savings on doomsday billboards, who had their beloved pets put down in lieu of the upcoming rapture, who so desperately wanted to believe they would be saved, I’m sorry. I really am.

I’m sorry you were stupid enough to allow yourselves to be so disgustingly manipulated by such an obviously false prophet, something your beloved bible directly warns against. Maybe if you had paid closer attention to the scriptures you would have noticed the part where it states that no one can know the day of Judgment.

Maybe if you could develop even a tinge of common sense or rational thinking you would realize how utterly ridiculous the entire idea of organized religion really is.

Then you would still have your money, your pets, your spirit and your free will.

I’m sorry that you finally had to endure the cold, hard bitch-slap of truth. Stings, doesnt it?

Yes, our world is a terrible, unforgiving place, but no amount of worship and hope is about to change that. We can’t just magically be saved and transported to some perfect, infallible utopian heaven.

Yes, that would be nice, but it’s simply the stuff of fairy tales. To truly believe such nonsense one must first lower their state of mind to that of a child, and if we all continue to do that, humanity really is doomed.

Maybe if we could advance our collective consciousness and shed the comfort blanket of religion we could work towards discovering answers to the real issues facing our species and our planet, instead of waiting patiently for some all-powerful, all-knowing, omnipresent being to save us from ourselves.

Alas, humanity will continue to crawl slowly along through the mud and the shit, hands and knees bloodied and scabbed over, until some errant asteroid or the gravitational pull of a wayward star comes along to kill off every last retarded, self-important life form on this miserable floating rock.

So yes, we’ve survived The Rapture.

Until the next one.


•April 27, 2011 • 3 Comments

Just trying to be a decent person in a much too massive world. Striving to become more than I am. Searching for truths that I’m not even certain exist, though I hope with my entire being that they do. Ignoring the many mysteries life presents to me every day if only for the sake of sanity. Feeling closer to clarity with every breath.

From a distance everything is black and white. Cut and dry. So perfectly laid out before our idealist eyes. Up close the view is distorted by the bluntness of situational realism. Previously unseen factors and wildly unpredictable tangents turn once smooth processes and social formalities into solid, unforgiving, unnavigatable messes. I am and will remain lost, confused and absolutely terrified.

Terrified of the real world and everything about it. The awkwardness, ugliness and even the beauty. Nothing is certain. At any second the pen could shift its literary focus and destroy everything we’ve ever known with a few choice words and destructive phrases. As the future is steadily written into the past, a simple change of heart can end worlds.

An air of pure, unadultured potential comes with this uncertainty. As we stare into the endless possibilites we possess the power to collapse the world. At this point in time there is absolutely nothing that won’t become of us. With every second we are changing the course of history. Everything we touch will forever bear the mark of our presence, for better or for worse. Year after year, 365 days at a time, through seasonal shifts, night and day, birth to death, we never cease to exist. And as long as we are existing, we are growing in innumerable ways.

And this thought, for the time being and for whatever reason, gives me comfort.


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